Lottie greeted us with excitement and enthusiasm for the day ahead. The venue was great and everyone had enough space to feel safe.
Lottie is a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist, with a busy private practice where she sees clients who are struggling with relationships, intimacy, sex and sexual dysfunctions. This can include, rapid ejaculation, erectile distinction, vaginismus , low libido to name just a few. These issues can be psychological or physiological or a combination of both. Working closely with GP’s and Urologists can help with the transition of the work through referral. Additionally this will have an impact on the relationship and family dynamic. So early intervention is crucial.
Lottie’s work with couples varies and each couple is unique, however the stories and behaviours are similar, communication and sex are the first to stop, then resentment and anger (anger hiding the real depth of feeling which could be fear, loneliness, not being significant etc) this work is a slow process with proven results. Each couple have a set homework path which encourages trust, listening skills and understanding. With this trust and safe space intimacy and communication can come back on line.
Homework can be as simple as connecting daily for 15 mins to working on meta programmes to understand what the behaviour is being expressed.
Esther Perel – expert relationship therapist suggests ‘how you were loved as a child is how you love as an adult’ – Lottie focuses on bringing together childhood experiences and how they impact on the relationship in the here and now.
Home work set for intimacy which is a sensual process is Sensate Focus – taking time each week – 1 hour to connect with each other physically in a sensual way. This is to keep that sacred time merely for connecting with each other. Sex is taken off the table so that the pressure to perform is reduced and real connection can take place. It can involve just being physically close or actual touch, not massage, feeling the body if it’s hot or cold, smooth or rough. Keeping touch away from sensual zones (eg inner thigh) is important for those who haven’t engaged sexually for some time, to allow the process to be free from any sexual suggestion/presumption. Often clients report spending more than the allotted time on this as they enjoy it so much. This homework is usually set for 4-6 weeks with 3 phrases to be completed.
Similarly, putting time aside to achieve any of the homework – Lottie asks clients to name the date and time that this will take place. Couples feel disappointed if let down by not completing this homework. It also indicates apathy or avoidance from one of the partners, this would be discussed in the session.
Sex toys – Lottie uses (and brought along to show us) a range of sex toys that she brings into the room when the timing feels right. Along with the common language used by the general public or perhaps the clients own names for genitalia, we were encouraged as participants to work on being 100% authentic and comfortable with language, knowing sexual jargon and exploring sex toys for enhanced pleasure. Psycho-education on genitalia, toys, sexual practice and of course pleasure where included on the day.
Lottie has a unique and vibrant exchange of information. The day was enlightening and gave lots of reflection on how we can work with couples.